The title was cut off this text piece in the only version available to me It s called King Of The Jungle so no big surprise there s a lion done and really not a thing has happened Why are we here Orion not the new God but the Hunter Cute ending I guess but like most of the text

   Because Batman and Robin are not very good at their jobs the Joker has captured them so it s time for a overly complicated death trap Wait not just starving vampire bats but starving vampire bats with poisoned teeth and claws Geez Joker why not infect them with the Clench too and

   It s love and horses for Kid Eternity this time out Kid has fallen hard for a woman s voice And the lass and her family are facing a crisis You know if your whole mortgage comes down to a horse winning a race you might need some help with your financial planning And apparently the Civil War

   Because some days you need to see John Romita Jr draw the nuPhoenix fighting the Beyonder just because But first a cosmic interlude I ve always liked JRJR s art especially the way he lays out pages In some ways he s a better whole page artist than an individual panel artist Your

   Yeah yeah I ve been doing a lot of Zatara storys lately I go wherever the comics winds take me Also sorry for the muddy panels here Hey DC how about a Zatara Omnibus so someone can clean up the surviving art a bit Hmmm Anyway there s a gang of counterfeiters running about town Yup when

   Our tale begins on a dark and stormy night Well the Haitian authorities aren t too broken up about Redd s escape Yup pass the problem on to some other nation What are Dr Redd s crimes Well our first clue comes in yet another bookkeeping error in Eternity Oh come on Kid We ve seen plenty

   Strange things are afoot in Unnamed City What does the coroner have to say No I have no idea what the hell that weird effect is from his head mirror Has nothing to do with the story International man of mystery Bozo The Robot is called in Well word gets out that he s on the job No pressure

   Happy Terrill the Ray is at the circus with his orphan pal Bud But he notices Oh well whatever On with the show Saaaay Yeah right whatever Hey look up in the air Great now we re gonna have another Dick Ric Grayson on our hands Happy and Bud return to the circus the next day to

   There s a gang of thieves about and Zatara has used his shrewd deduction skills to figure out how to find them Look they were talking about watching the game on TV wasn t as obvious a possibility in so don t get snotty But how can Zatara use this information Well at the next Dodgers

   All I m saying is if Power Man And Iron Fist has been used as the basis for a crossover story the Luke Cage and Iron Fist shows would never have been cancelled by Netflix Because as fine as the two seasons of Luke Cage were they never had this Some guy tried to kill Luke with a

   Robin is after a gang of children who have been carrying out audacious robberies He finds them stealing some radium and the fighting is on But wait Thank you helpful dotted line and arrow But what could that mark mean Sure sure Dick Ric A child has never had his collar buttoned in

   The moat important thing about this cover is this word balloon here Because on the splash page they repeat it for us And when we finally meet the titular Mr Fish they reiterate it one more time The funny thing is though that nobody not a single solitary person laughs at Mr Fish

   As I ve mellowed in my old age I ve come to grudgingly accept most of the elements of Geoff Johns Captain Marvel reboot and that s a good thing since the movie s trailer makes it appear that it will be virtually a direct panel by panel adaptation of that take But there s one thing I m still

   Some thug stole an old lady s necklace right in front of him but Kyle Rayner couldn t go Green Lantern on the guy because of secret identity stuff He was however able to get the guy s license plate and so with a quick call asking J onn to use the JLA s computers Uh oh Yup he won t even know

   nbsp No not Thunderclap Newman Settle in it s going to take a while until we get to any actual story in this text piece In fairness it is kind of cool to see Kid Eternity being well a kid using his powers to cavort in the middle of a thunderstorm OK boys in trouble We re getting

   If you want to crystallize the difference between Superman and Batman these two pages pretty much nail it From All Star Superman and Batman Shadow Of The bat

   For what it s worth when I m appointed Commissioner Of Comics one of my first acts will be to give Jerry Ordway all the money to do another Marvel Family series Who said nothing good ever came out of the s

   Buckle up friends we re in for a bit of a crazy ride We start with the most important thing I ve learned from comic books Don t piss off crank inventors Especially when they ve invented a super video telepathizer Um what the hell is a super video telepathizer OK just a kooky TV Nope WHAT

   Because some mornings you need to see Steve Rude draw the living hell out of Reed taking down a Galactus sized Doctor Doom while yelling Sic Semper Tyrannis You re welcome Also Rude drawing giant Doom taking on Fin Fang Foom It The Living Colossus and others From the same issue Jorge

   Batman was posing as a taxi driver don t ask when he s captured by foreign criminals who thought he was someone else please don t ask He s awake now but he has to feign unconsciousness otherwise the crooks will quickly realize he s the wrong guy and kill him He can reach his radio belt but

   Speaking of henchpersons it s not like an internationally infamous evil scientist can just walk into Supercuts So aboard his hidden flying fortress Umm I hate to mention this But Lex in this continuity you re kinda permanently bald no hair at all So what the heck is Wanda doing Ahhh

   A tricky day to be Lorna The Jungle Queen Girl and her monkey Mikki No that s not the hand of Krona it s much much worse What the hell is it WHAT WHAT OK now try to get the images of crocodiles and apes mating out of your mind s eye Good luck Because I know you re curious no

   Did you ever wonder why super heroes get sidekicks but super villains don t Oh super villains have plenty of henchmen mostly faceless droogs to do the grunt work and get beat up by the heroes But generally they don t have costumed partners sidekicks in the classic sense Why Well Penguin is

   You could always rely on the Patsy Manners strip and particularly Aunt Eileen to tell you everything that was wrong with the world Let s see for example the bleak hellscape of Here are the answers from the following issue Oh but we re not done yet Let s continue our scathing critique

   Archie has serious game Fact Betty s bikini straps being off her shoulders in probably the most risque thing to ever appear on an Archie cover From Everything s Archie